Second Draft Reworked

This weekend has been the slow and painful process of going through the latest draft and fixing things. One of the big notes I'd had, and that I'd been unable to implement, was that John sounded like a girl. (Not a good thing.)

So, this weekend I enlisted my lovely husband and got him to read the play with me. We stopped at each line of John's that sounded strange and talked about what the line was there for and then Peter reworded it the way he thought he'd say it. It was laborious but worthwhile - John no longer sounds like a girl. He sounds like an Aussie bloke - ie: exactly like Peter!

I noticed, working on this with Peter, that I often felt defensive when he said I'd got things wrong.

'Hmmm,' says Pete, and pauses. then, 'how about this? Blah, blah, blah.'
'Just read what I've written first,' says me - through gritted teeth.
'But I reckon -'
'Read what's there!'
'But -'
'I can change it later - but try it as it is first.'

Then he'd read what was on the page and there'd be a moment's silence.
'Yeah. You're right. it sucks.' Finally I'd be listening.

So it's been an interesting weekend! Lucky that my marriage is strong and that Peter is endlessly patient.

John's lines aren't the only thing I've changed. I've also changed the ending and fiddled with little bits inbetween. I hope it makes the play stronger - at this stage I can't really tell.

I'll leave it for a week before reading it again. I need that time to see it clearly. otherwise I go into overwhelm and all I can see is the flaws.