The aftermath

Yesterday was D-day.

Yesterday the actors poured their hearts and souls and every drop of blood into the two readings of Tinder.

It was amazing. The matinee was a sell-out show and the crowd literally roared at the end. I've never heard anything like it. My hair stood on end. I started to cry. It was the most emphatic accolation.

By contrast, the evening felt a little flat. And, of course, it was the evening performance the judges attended. And now I have to wait.

I didn't sleep at all last night. I feel as if I was under the side of the house when it fell down (you had to be at the reading to know what I'm talking about). I've never felt so exhausted and drained and yet so alive. My brain is buzzing. Adrenalin is coursing through me.

I lay awake, not sleeping, and all I could hear was the actors. I went through the whole play, time after time. And discovered that I know all the lines by heart. I don't know why this was so surprising.

And I thought of different ways I could do it. Lines I could change. Plot lines to clarify. It's overwhelming. I want to creep into the lantana and cry. I want to party and dance and celebrate. I'm torn a hundred ways.

I can't bear for it to be over. I don't know what I'll do if this is it and it doesn't get a production.

I am overwhelmed.